Distantly, the door echoed through the halls as it shut one final time. The last throes of its creek, it’s thunk, repeating many times in quick succession. Seconds passed. Minutes… absolute silence.
The flitting of paper as she turned the pages of her book was the only sound that accompanied her now. Her only companion. With a deep, heavy sigh she closed it and tossed it aside. Useless. She shook her head and leaned back into the booth. To her right, through the delicately manicured hedges and latticed vinewood, the rest of the hall sat. Grand chandeliers of gold, white marble brick, and wall’s a red so royal only the royal could afford it. Well… royalty, or Stormwind University, that is. The floor? Polished wood decorated so intricately with many, many shapes and symbols that from a distance it almost looked like an arcane equation. Beautiful. Large. Empty...
What was it all for? She wondered. A feat of architecture so grand? So Artistic? So beautiful? And yet despite this, in everyone’s absence, she couldn’t help but acknowledge how little it was used. How much of its time was spent being unseen. Unadmired. Cleaned for grand events like galas and used for banquets. Events that took place only once in a while. Every three months, if one were to be generous. How lonely a structure like this would feel, if it could have feelings to begin with. Nay, only she could feel in its stead.
With another sigh, she looked down at her hands. Curled together for now, she loosened them up and turned her forearms to see their palms. Is it sad that she could almost empathize with an inanimate object? Had she really fallen this far? For she too was grand. For she too was capable of great feats. For she too… was only able to show her skills every once in awhile. Less so than this place is utilized, actually. Not to her fullest extent, at least.
“What do I want?”
To be seen. To be admired. To be looked on with great reverence and looked to for guidance. But why? These desires are juvenile, are they not? To be humble is a much better trait. She was humble. Or at least she acted like she was. Is this not the truth? Is she herself just someone vying for attention? A desperate child trying to be seen by her peers?
These thoughts stuck to her heart like a dart to corkboard. Piercing commentaries that did all but deflate her. She groaned, and leaned forward onto the table, closing her eyes. Not good enough. Nothing was good enough. No matter what, there is always going to be someone everyone will go to more than her. Someone other people will try to protect her from.
But she can protect herself! Can she? It was her duty to protect others, not for others to protect her! She was a dragon after all. A mage of great repute among the Kirin’Tor. But still, she wanted more!?
“How greedy can you be!?”
Iv’adhun. Yisildwen. She felt so small compared to them. So weak, so little. They are both the monsters that haunted her dreams as a whelp. Shadows whom she didn’t know. Entities she doesn’t know how to trust. But she’s tried. The common denominator among them both being the void. The eldritch powers that seek nothing but entropy. Endless possibility and reality, claimed to be contained within one cosmic force. An inaccurate notion, given everything she’s learned.
It’s entropy. It’s end. Infinite realities, once they bleed into one-another, rip each-other apart. Tear each other to nothing. This has been proven in every test. Every case of void-related insanity. Fact and fiction blurred into one single contradiction. One paradox. But was it really?
That’s how it gets you. It makes you believe you truly know nothing. All people addled by the void preach this very principle. “You know nothing.” - “You are Naive.” - “You are blind.” And how do you disprove it? The very fact that no one person can truly know everything is exactly what it says. To know everything is to break one's mind. Overstimulation, she’s experienced this.
Your mind cannot rest, and your body cannot relax until you, yourself, find a way to resolve the overstimulation in your mind. But how does one resolve everything? It seems impossible. Your mind would tear itself apart. That is the limit of all minds. That is exactly what survivors of void addelement report. That is exactly why she can never sleep at night.
But to be naive is to be vulnerable. You have to learn everything you can. And if we, on Azeroth, truly are going to fend ourselves from inevitable entropy, then that is exactly what we need. How can one comprehend everything? To be a god seems the most obvious answer. To ascend. But fuck! That seems to suck too.
How can she ever hope to protect what she loves if she can’t even master these primitives. What chance does anyone have if not her? What does she even want?
To be admired. To be looked on as a guide. To be helpful. To be productive. To be- everyones savior. But again, why? Where does all this selfishness come from? What in life does she truly lack to still be wanting for all this? Titans… if she can’t figure this out, then how can she do anything in life? How can she protect anyone?
She sniffled inward, pulling her head back up and looking around. So quiet… so lonely. So big. So grand. The correlation? Grand = Loneliness. She was too grand… but she has to be. Just like this event hall has to be grand to accommodate for so many. To be beautiful for so many. And to do what she needs to, she has to be even grander. Even more lonely.
“Titans… WHY CAN’T I JUST HAVE BOTH!?” she screamed, her voice echoing through the hall… ceaselessly. Each chant a reminder of her pain as she slammed her fists into the table. It wasn’t long before she was joined by a new companion… her own rapid heartbeat.
“Why-” she choked, as a bubble of despair gathered in the back of her throat. Her body trembled as tears left her face. “Why- does it have to be like this? Why can’t I jus-” she croaked again. A hot, burning energy flooding into her muscles as she bawled her fists. “Get rid of those fuckers… those assholes burning those they claim to protect. Why-” she sighed.
This was irrational. This was all irrational. Stupid. Useless. Useless for everything but parlor tricks and silly books, just like this hall. There is nothing she can do that apparently other’s can’t do better. She will forever be sub-par. So unbecoming of a dragon. So antithetical to their duties. Especially hers.
Perhaps it was best to just leave. To accept her inabilities and jus- give up. Move on. She was due for a century long nap anyway, perhaps. Let everyone else do what she apparently never could, they’re better at it.