A Sayaad's Diary

Valerie and Aelna’s Anniversary

    I just feel the emptiness and the nothingness of the Twisting Nether. Both existing and not existing in the forgotten deeps of this empty dimension. Suddenly, I felt White’s power calling me; picking my pieces and pushing me to existence, to the mortal plane. I felt the pleasures and the pains of existing; cold, dizzy, free… The red smoke dispersed.

    The sun was hiding behind the mountain tops. Coming from them, the careful hands of the cold breeze caressed the short hairs that covered my arms. I felt something warm and soft wrapping around me, protecting me from the cold wind. I turned and saw White’s smile as she wrapped me with a large fur cloak.

    “Hey, White” I said softly, smiling back at her, “where are we?” “Don’t you remember?” she asked with a playful tone. I started looking around, trying to remember if I knew the place. To my right, there was a large lake with some small isles on the middle, and a fort that rose from one of them. To my left, there were some pine trees and a big chain of mountains with snowy peaks. When I turned around and discovered the enormous city at the north shore of the lake, I realized where we were.

    “Lordamere Lake!” I said with excitement. “The exact place where we met for the first time” White continued with my train of thought. I wasn’t able to prevent myself from taking her head and kissing her cold lips. “… and” she continued, “we are here exactly 22 years after that moment”. Her usually confident and smooth voice suddenly became weaker, “happy anniversary, White…” Her eyes quickly watered as her smile fought against the urge to cry.

    I was surprised at her calling me ‘White’ again. This was the way we called each other for quite some time, but she stopped when our last relationship with a third person ended. The pain tainted the word for her, but I refused letting the sad memories guide my present and future, so I continued calling her ‘White’. It took her a while to call me like this again… but better late than never.

    I couldn’t stop myself from crying. As my vision blurred, I felt a lump on my throat and I felt my cold tears running down through my face. I hugged her and embraced her with my wings, making the cloak I was covered with fall to the ground. As I held her tightly, she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face on my shoulder. I felt her tears dropping on my arm and her body slightly shivering.

    “Come… sit… I’ll make a campfire…” she said, suddenly, while wiping the tears from her face. As I sat down and covered myself with the cloak, I saw her smiling like a child.   As she walked around, gathering dried sticks and leaves, I stared at her; admiring her. She had a dark blue, long, wool dress with eerie decorations; but with that smile and blushed face, she seemed completely harmless. I feel that this is a metaphor that suits her well.

    She’s always trying to appear powerful and dangerous to others, even though she has managed to be nice to most, lately. Because of this, she is always wondering how she really is. Is she this nice and caring professor or she is the cold and cruel mercenary? Is she Lady Valerie Briade or is she Sarah Vasull?

    I let out a deep sigh as my eyes followed her around. She turned and smiled at me before returning to pick the campfire materials. We have grown together; I feel I know her even better than she knows herself. I have been by her side since she was just a teenager living in Strahnbrad. I have been there to observe how her personality has developed with each passing year.

    She lived under the shadow of her uncle for many years, which deeply frustrated her. She felt he underestimated her and her abilities; she felt as if we were living in a cage. But then, suddenly, they had to leave their home and travel around hostile and unwelcoming lands. During this time, she truly felt the real pain of facing discrimination. She was a fel wielder, from a treacherous kingdom and with an uncle that helped the Syndicate.

    During this time, she also faced the changes that the fel corruption caused in her and her uncle. When she was a child, her hair was golden and her eyes were pine tree green. Slowly we observed as her hair became snow white, her eyes turned milky green and her skin became pale, losing the traits that she had inherited from her parents. But, the worst consequences of fel’s corruption were in her uncle, not her. He became increasingly more aggressive and mistrusting towards her; even suggesting she was waiting for the perfect moment to kill him and steal his demons. And also, the fel addiction… he never had enough… Even though White and I were deeply saddened by his death, I can’t deny it was also a relief.

    And then, we arrived at Stormwind… a very difficult city for us, I must say. She wasn’t able to summon me as often as she used to, which made us both feel the affliction of feeling truly alone. She looked for jobs everywhere, but after receiving only rejection, she got immersed into the city’s underworld by becoming a mercenary. We felt as if there was no other place for someone like her; it was in the company of bandits and murderers that she finally felt something close to acceptance.

    Back here, in the cold foothills of the Hillsbrad mountain chain, Valerie had finished looking for sticks and leaves. She placed them all a meter or two in front of me and ignited them with fel fire. After this, she cuddled with me under the warm embrace of the cloak. It was the perfect moment to forget about the grim memories. I closed my eyes as I lay may head on her lap.

    With my eyes closed I remembered her nervously walking around the house, aimlessly; I remembered all the effort she invested in keeping her ‘old ways’ away when she entered the Stormwind University. I suppose she achieved it, for the most part. It was so hard for her to truly trust anyone at first… or avoid trying to kill or torture those who opposed her will. When Dunn or Mac suggested a dark solution to their problems, a small part of her smirked; but she was always able to control this part of her. If they knew how much she had to sacrifice of herself to become more ‘Professor Briade’ and less ‘Sarah Vasull, the merc’…

    Valerie leaned forward to whisper into my ear: “I will never leave you, White. I will always be by your side.” She, then, gave me a small kiss on the forehead. I smiled at her, then closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep, warmed by the fel fire camp and with her hand caressing my hair.

((Well, this is a small series of diary entries and told experiences from Aelna's perspective. I want to show how Valerie is as a human being and through this, show her flaws and weaknesses (that she is too proud to accept herself). I started writting this for the last month's story contest (as you can notice from the Anniversary theme), but that I wasn't able to finish on time. I hope you all enjoy Valerie soft side *wink*. :) ))

 ((... and, the drawing that someone very special drew of them and that inspired this. :) ))

((Awww! ♥))

I

    We finished igniting the campfire at the entrance of the cave when she let out a deep and sad sigh, and said: “I need a walk… I’ll be back soon.” “Are you sure, White? It’s getting dark and it seems it’s about to start raining” I said. Valerie looked at me with great sorrow in her eyes. Those eyes were all I needed to realize she really needed some time alone. “I will be waiting for you. Please, don’t go far” I said softly. She gave me a silent nod and slowly walked away.

    I knew what was worrying her; her heart was in too many places at once, and she was lost because of this. She wanted to please everyone and to reciprocate everyone’s love; but that’s not how life works. We usually have to make a decision, and accepting losing someone to be with someone else. I can’t even think hoe hard this must be for her… it’s even hard for me…

    Suddenly, I remembered when we were still living in Strahnbrad; all those years ago. Everyone in the village was warm and welcoming, except towards Val and her uncle. There were even kids around the same age as her, but their parents wouldn’t let them even near Val. At the moment, they only knew that Zakar, her uncle, used some type of dark magic and that he helped the orcs during the Second War (near Alterac, who didn’t?). What if they knew the truth? What if they knew he was a warlock and he was teaching his niece about his art?

    Because of this, if it wasn’t for me or Piptip, Val’s imp, she would have live most of her life alone. Zakar wasn’t much of a company, either. He was away from home most of the time, and he didn’t knew how to spent time with her. He was only a teacher for her. Both I and she filled our loneliness with each other.

    I, as a Sayaad, have natural abilities to be able to interact adequately with many types of intelligent beings, but the lack of contact with others through most of Val’s life didn’t let her develop any skills to socialize. She was shy and distrusting; she used to keep everyone at a distance to avoid getting hurt. When we arrived at Stormwind, shortly after leaving Strahnbrad and Zakar’s death, she had serious troubles being able to handle living among so many people.

    Those problems continued for quite a while. Val got better at it with time, but it was like a torture for her. But everything change when she met Athanna… This beautiful and fun Kaldorei drastically changed the way we saw the world. In a way, she helped us realize what we really wanted for our lives, and gives us the strength to do what we needed to do to achieve it. This helped Val to take the decision of fading from the underworld and applying to become a professor at the Stormwind University.

    When Val was finally able to socialize with others, another problem arose. Whenever she grew closer to someone, she couldn’t prevent herself from starting to fall in love with that person. She lacked closeness for most of her life, and now that she had it, she wasn’t able to keep her feelings from overwhelming her control. I only wish she doesn’t hurt others or herself in the process of learning how to tame her feelings… at least not anymore.

II

I woke up. I had fallen asleep while waiting for her return. I looked at the entrance and saw her figure, feeding some sticks to the fel flame fire camp. I rubbed my eyes and said: “Hey, White. How did it went?” “As painful as always, but I’m a little better now”, she said as she gathered the strength to smile at me. I think that, if she is able to smile, even if he has to forced herself to do it, she will be fine.

    “White? Why are you doing this research? Why did you decided to team up with someone like Koltar?” I asked, worried. She let out a long sigh, finished what she was doing, and sat to my side. “Well” she started, “to be honest, I’m not sure of it myself. I suppose it may be related to the possibility of a future invasion.” “The Legion?” I asked. She nodded. “Do you want to find something to use against the Burning Legion?” I could not help myself from asking with some surprise. “… or more power to use against them, yes” she answered with some doubt in her voice. “Come, let’s sleep” she said with a sweet tone and a smile. We cuddled and tried to fall asleep.

    My slumber was blocked by the thoughts that refused to leave my mind. It was possible that the Legion was on its way to Azeroth, to our home. I was born on a planet under their control, I was born a slave of the demons, and, since even before I was born, I was infused with fel energies. I had no choice but to remain loyal and obedient to the Legion’s desires. All of us Sayaads became mere weapons of the Legion for them to use us at their own inexistent discretion in their countless wars against all those they encountered.

    I started to shake as the thoughts of seeing Azeroth follow the same path as my home world filled me. The deep terror took control of me as the visions that my mind tried to hide from me returned. The waterfall of corruption, suffering and death that came to my world were on their way to this world, to my world… to Val’s world. All that I was able to escape from when Valerie took me as her succubus, was coming back for me. There was no place to hide…

    Suddenly, Valerie’s arms embraced me tighter, almost as if she knew what I was feeling. My shaking slowly stopped as I felt protected by her warm hug. The calm and serenity returned to me, and I was able to smile as I realized it was not me against the Legion… but me and Val, against them. I remembered the first time Valerie told me about her intentions of fighting the Legion, if an invasion were to begin. I didn’t agree with her at first. We had survived so long without meddling in this world’s constant wars and I wanted that to remain like that.

    But, as time passed by, I started to realize we may not have a choice in it anymore. This may be a war that not even the strong and tall walls of Stormwind can keep us safe. It’s just that… I don’t want her to die. But, I have realized that I can’t deny her or me the possibility of defending Azeroth… our home. I’ll make sure she’s ready for what is coming; I’ll make sure that she becomes a serious threat to any servant of the Legion who dares to threaten our home.

    Slowly, the thoughts decayed as the slumber arrived.

III

For a second, I felt happy that we were no longer sleeping in caves, but I then remembered where we were and what had happened. “I know Koltar was an awful being but…” I started saying softly, “was it necessary to kill him like that?” She stayed in silence as she was trying her new cultist robe. “And the guard, the goblin... you promised that you would spare his life if he told you what you needed to know, and he did. Now he’s dead… in pieces.”

    Val let out a deep sigh and said: “It had to be done.” I stared at her, trying to understand what she was thinking. Before now, I didn’t had a problem knowing what was in her mind and in her heart, but now… it seems too blurry… too dark. “Why?” I asked with despair in my voice. She kept silent. I knew she understood how I felt; she is not a bad person. But there is still something that keeps her thinking that this is the best way, or the only way, to achieve her goals.

    “White…” I started, “I don’t think this is right. You are not this cruel and cold. Not even when you acted as Sarah Vasull before. I fill… this is getting out of hand.” “I don’t care” she answered immediately and with conviction, “both Koltar and the three members of Jaedenar we slayed deserved what they got. I must do this. If not, all of their deaths would serve no purpose.

    “So… that’s what death means to you now? It’s just a tool for you to use at your own discretion? Where is the Valerie that agreed with Alandi’s desires of keeping the Fel Arts’ students away from the grip of the army… away from becoming tools of war? Where is the Valerie that discussed with passion and conviction with Arstan and Elvae about the multiple possibilities of the fel arts, beyond violence? Where is the Valerie that teamed up with Amara to confront the nobles and convince everyone that all warlocks aren’t just aggressive, greedy and power-thirsty monsters!?”

    By the time I had spat all these feelings I had clogged in my throat until now, my voice was broken and tears rolled down my cheeks. She was now staring at me, with her Jaedenar robe on, some parts of her white hair still stained with blackened and dried blood, and emotionless eyes. “I suppose she’s dead” she answered, just before sending me back to the empty depths of the Twisting Nether.

((Oh, Val... Oh, right, OoC chat! I was innactive for more time than what I expected. Sorry. My pc is still giving me problems and I'm only being able to log on for half an hour or so, before it overheats. :( I'll continue to add to this story, for those of you who are still following it. :) Take care, love you all! ))

Gazing into the Abyss: Epilogue - # 1

"Halt!" yelled the leader of the four sentinels that ambushed Valerie, Aelna and Athanna while they were running. "You are dead if you move a single muscle. Who are you and are you doing in Ashenvale?" "First" said one of them, "send away your demon, warlock." Valerie nodded and obediently returned Aelna while whispering to her: "We'll talk later." Athanna answered while panting, but with a confident tone: "Elune-Adore, sisters. My name is Athanna and this is Valerie. We were escaping from members of the Shadow Council encampment of Jaedenar in west Felwood."

The sentinels exchanged some looks as they heard Athanna. “What were you doing near Jaedenar?” suspiciously asked the leader. “That is classified information, I’m afraid” answered Athanna, more confident than expected for the current situation. “Too bad” said the leader, preparing her bow to fire; her sisters followed. Athanna sighed. “I’m not going to die for this…” she turned to look at Valerie, “sorry, Val.” Valerie’s horror was noticeable.

“Valerie Briade here is an associate professor of the Stormwind University and I was her assistant in the research she was doing in Felwood” said Athanna. “Research? In Felwood?” one of the sentinels asked. “What is your area, Miss Briade?” asked the leader. Valerie looked at Athanna for a moment. Then, she answered: “Fel Arts. We were researching the signs of corruption on the fauna and flora of the zone at first, but decided to infiltrate the Shadow Council to obtain information on their practices and plans.” “Fel Arts? Disgusting!” said the sentinel that had demanded for Aelna’s unsummoning earlier.

Valerie kept her words directed towards the leader: “I am sure your colleagues on the Silverwing Sentinels will not be so happy to know that another sentinel insulted a member of the Stormwind University. The friendship between the two institutions is strong.” The leader threw a harsh look towards her sister, but abstained from saying anything. She barely nodded. “I understand your doubts” started Athanna, “I really do. But we need to get to Stormwind as soon as possible for our own safety. We do not know for how long our pursuers will be on our tails.”

“We could escort you to Astranaar. There, you can rest before your trip” said the leader with a friendlier tone. “Thank you for your offer” said Athanna, “but we are trying to avoid populated areas until we are far from danger. They will surely look for us in Astranaar, and it won’t be wise of us to underestimate them.” The leader nodded. “Then, we’ll let you pass. Make haste; don’t let the night catch you while still on the wilds” she said. “Shaha Lor’ma” said Athanna, lowering her head with respect. “Andre’thoras-ethil” said one of the sentinels as they disappeared within the thick forest.

“Not very eager to visit home, eh?” said Valerie mockingly. “No, not really” answered Athanna with the same tone as they walked towards Darkshore.

Epilogue - # 2

The three women walked through the cold forests of Darkshore while the sun hid behind the Great Sea waters. “We need to set up camp…” said Aelna, then she looked at Valerie, “…and we really need to talk. You don’t have any excuses left; only bears and trees could hear us around this place.”

They walked away from the main path and entered a nearby cave. As they were getting everything ready for the cold night that was surely ahead of them, Aelna asked in a hard-to-read tone of voice: “Talk to me… Val. What happened?” Valerie halted what she was doing and turned to look at the sayaad that hadn’t stopped working. “I…” stuttered Valerie, “I.am.so sorry about all that happened. I was stupid and senseless. Please, White, forgive me.” “You know that won’t be enough, right?” Aelna said harshly.

Valerie nodded, even though Aelna wasn’t looking. “I know. Scars like this one never fade away completely… but I promise you that I’ll never leave your side again.” Aelna turned to look at the woman that had broken her heart but, despite that, she still loved deeply. “You sent me away and didn’t even gave an explanation for it! You didn’t even let us discuss it! I had never felt this way before around you, but now I feel like I’m just a demon to you… a mere minion of yours that you can dispose of whenever you see fit!”

Aelna was enraged; yelling and crying as she opened her wounded heart. The echo created by her words crashed against Valerie repeatedly as she felt as if she was about to break under the pain. She took some steps towards Aelna, wanting to hold her and comfort her as she did before, but the hurt sayaad took a step back, keeping her distance. “White…” muttered Valerie as she couldn’t hold her sobs back. Athanna, that had been closely observing the interactions as she picked up twigs and leaves for the campfire, took a deep sigh, dropped what she was carrying, and said: “C’mon, girls! If someone would ask me if I have seen true love, I could confidently say that I have seen it while seeing you two. Do you think you would be yelling and sobbing so bad if you weren’t feeling so much for each other?”

The sayaad and the human stared straight at each other’s eyes for long seconds. Aelna turned towards the Kaldorei. “She betrayed me! All I wanted was to be by her side, and she just shoved me away as if I was trash!” said Aelna with fury in her eyes.  She turned towards Valerie again. “How could I trust someone who did something like that to me?” There was a deep silence as the echo of her words faded away. “I…” Valerie’s voice sounded so weak that one could doubt if it was even real or just a product of imagination. “Val” started Athanna, “why you did it? You could do whatever you were doing there with Ael by your side, right?” The tone of her voice was the only comforting sound that bounced around the cave. It was so calm and confident that it seemed as if she knew how all will unfold.

Valerie took some seconds to answer. “You are right… she would have even been a powerful ally within Jaedenar. But she… reminded me of the voice of my conscience that made me doubt. Do you think I wasn’t feeling bad from the start? I didn’t want to return to the Lamb, but I did. I didn’t want to meet with you again, Athanna, but I did. I didn’t want to take Koltar Steamsoul as my companion, but I did. I didn’t want to leave Stormwind and go to bloody Felwood, but I did. I didn’t want to infiltrate Jaedenar, or betray and kill as I did, but I did…” Her voice was filled with pain and regret. “Why you did it?” asked Aelna. “I am fucking terrified! Alright!?” Valerie yelled with anger. But the anger wasn’t for Aelna or Athanna, it was for herself. She fell to her knees and cried with her face buried into her hands. “I hate being so afraid… so weak! But you can almost feel the fel energies in the air… they are coming… And I don’t think I’m ready for it… but I’m not about to sit and wait for the Legion to enslave this planet. I have to fight!”

Valerie looked at Aelna; her eyes filled with tears. “I kept you away from me because you reminded me of my own doubts…” she said with a shattered voice, “… and because I didn’t want you to become corrupted as most demons there were.” Aelna’s look had softened. She was not used to seeing Valerie exposing her weakness as she just had. She knew that what Valerie did was almost unforgivable, but at least she now knew why she had done it. “Still…” said the sayaad softly. “I know…” Valerie said with shame.

“What if you two changed the deal, then?” Athanna said. “What do you mean?” asked Aelna. “Well” continued the Kaldorei, “Val, you can summon and send away Ael without her consent. That difference in control over the other causes a lot of trouble when things aren’t going as planned. Can you give Ael her freedom back?” Both Aelna and Athanna stared expectantly at Valerie. The human nodded. “I believe I could…” she said slowly, “with enough fel energy and the summoning circle tattooed to your skin, you should be able to summon yourself whenever and wherever you want. Our contact as warlock and…, sorry, summoned demon would end.” The sayaad smiled. “I would like that” she said. Valerie smiled back. “Are you sure, White?” said Valerie, “even though I feel it’s a good idea, you would be taking a big risk. If a member of the Legion finds you while I’m not there to protect you, he could take control of you again.”

Aelna nodded with her eyes closed. “If that’s what I must risk… so be it” she said. “If I do that, will you feel safe? Will you forgive me?” asked Valerie. The sayaad took some seconds to think before nodding again. “I forgive you, Val… White, but I’ll not forget…” she said sadly. “I wouldn’t ask that from you. I deserve it” Valerie said with a deep regret in her voice, “we’ll begin the ritual as soon as we can.” Athanna nodded with a smile while picking up the twigs and leaves for the campfire.

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Epilogue - # 3

The strong winds that brought the salty scent of the waters that separated Darkshore from Rut’theran Village made Athanna’s wild green hair to dance with a hypnotizing rhythm. She pointed at the ship that had just arrived. “This is our ship. You don’t want to wait for the next one, believe me” she said. I shook my head. “I’m not planning to return to Stormwind just yet”, I then turned towards Ael, “and you? Planning on travelling back to the Eastern Kingdoms?” Aelna shook her head with a smile. She was really enjoying the freedom that the Legion had taken away from her since she was born.

“I plan to train for quite some time more” I said, “I learned a few new tricks in… well, you know where, and I’m planning on mastering them. After all, I’m probably going to need them soon. So White, planning on joining me then?” Aelna smiled with that cute expression that made me fall in love of her in the first place. “Sounds like a good vacation. No Felwood, though” she said after letting out a giggle. “Well” said Athanna with a smile, “I’ll return to the big city, then. Don’t go around doing careless stuff again, and I expect a visit whenever you decide to return to Stormwind. Ishnu-alah.”

Athanna turned and walked towards the ship. “No, wait, Blue” sounded Aelna’s cute voice. I turned astonished as I heard the name we used to call Athanna when we were together coming from Ael. She looked at me; her eyes filled with hope. “Can she come with us? She could help us with your training” she said. I took a deep sigh and looked at Athanna’s astounding silver eyes. “I don’t know…” I said as the memories of a lost but happier past overflowed my mind. “We all deserve a second chance…” Ael whispered to my ear. I nodded in silence, completely understanding what she meant. Ael rushed, filled with joy, to hug the elf that we used to love as if it was a part of us. “So, I guess we’re a team once again” I said as I approached them.

The following letter arrives to each one of the Stormwind University members' mailboxes:

"Dear friends,

My research in Felwood has taught me more than I could have asked for. I faced darkness, and even embraced it for a while, but I was able to find myself again. But, now, even though my heart begs me to return to Stormwind, to the university that feels like home, and to you, my beloved friends; I know I'm not ready yet. My path takes me away from the city I both hate and love, so I can become the woman I deserve to be. Take care all and keep being the awesome bunch you have always been. I'll sincerely miss you all.

With love,

Valerie Briade.

PD: May the light of the stars shine your path and the caring gaze of darkness guards your backs. With love to you all, Aelna."