A Gay-ass production of the SWU Performing Arts Department
Astra (Daughter) Amara
Bellanae (Dark Witch) Alice
Eluzean (Light Witch) Maureen
Wedding Officiant Nikara?
[NARRATOR] Once upon a time in a faraway land, a young couple was blessed with a beautiful daughter.
[MOTHER] She’s beautiful
[FATHER] She’s perfect
[MOTHER] She has your eyesa
[FATHER] And your smile
[MOTHER] Oh stop, it’s too early to tell that yet!
[NARRATOR] This… is not their story.
[FATHER] what shall we name her?
[MOTHER] I’m not sure! What do you think?
[NARRATOR] It’s not particularly hers, either.
ELUZEAN knocks at the door
[FATHER] I’ll get it, dear. Just relax
[ELUZEAN] Hello. I’m here for the child.
BELLANAE shouts from the window
[BELLANAE] You’re WHAT?
[NARRATOR] Ah, here we are.
[NARRATOR] It’s theirs.
[ELUZEAN] I have an agreement with this man. Signed in blood, no less. The child is mine.
[BELLANAE] Oh no she’s not. The mother and I have a dark pact, you can’t just-
BELLANAE turns to the mother, suddenly softening.
[BELLANAE] Of course, it’s perfectly understandable, the power to punish those who used you, your freedom! Surely it was worth it.
ELUZEAN gives the father a withering look.
[ELUZEAN] And here you traded her for a few cabbages.
[BELLANAE] You overcharged him.
[ELUZEAN] I gave him room to bargain down, it’s hardly my fault he didn’t.
[MOTHER] Now wait here! If you think we’re going to allow our daughter to be taken and used for… for…
[FATHER] Spell components!
[MOTHER] Right! For whatever dark spell you mean to cast, you’ve got another…
MOTHER withers under Bellanae’s glare.
[BELLANAE] Did you know that spells requiring blood aren’t particularly picky?
[ELUZEAN] And bone gains power with age
[BELLANAE] Frankly, there’s only one reason to make a deal like this. Magic runs in your blood, and I need an heir.
FATHER looks at Eluzean
[ELUZEAN] Besides, most people are lucky to get out of one magical contract. Do you really think you’ll escape two?
[NARRATOR] As I said.
[FATHER] ...We don’t.
[NARRATOR] This is not their story.
ELUZEAN picks up the child gently.
[ELUZEAN] Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to sort this out.
[BELLANAE] We’ll be in touch, I’m sure.
[NARRATOR] And off they flew, infant, contracts, and all, to the tower of the Dark Witch.
BELLANAE paces back and forth, bouncing the child in her arms.
[BELLANAE] Have you found a loophole yet?
ELUZEAN flips another page and sighs
[ELUZEAN] It’d be easier if your contract would consent to being read. I’m beginning to get a headache.
[BELLANAE] That may be for the best. You don’t want to know the consequences had I been slighted.
[ELUZEAN] And you found nothing in mine?
[BELLANAE] I wish. Did you HAVE to specify that she’d be raised in your care?
[ELUZEAN] Did you?
BELLANAE huffs and stops pacing
[BELLANAE] Well, what now?
[ELUZEAN] We don’t seem to have many options
[BELLANAE] We don’t
[ELUZEAN] There’s just no way around it
[BELLANAE] I agree
[ELUZEAN] You’ll simply have to move in
[BELLANAE] Wait WHAT?
[ELUZEAN] Well, I’m certainly not moving here. You settled in an area entirely inhospitable to gardening.
[BELLANAE] You can’t be serious.
[ELUZEAN] Can’t I?
BELLANAE glares at Eluzean
ELUZEAN glares at Bellanae
[BELLANAE] ...So you’re serious.
[ELUZEAN] There’s no other way around it
[BELLANAE] Well if one of us died…
[ELUZEAN] It would still invoke the consequences of a broken contract.
[ELUZEAN] Well, if you WANT all food you touch to rot in your hands…
[BELLANAE] Fine. Just until we figure out a way out of this.
[ELUZEAN] Very well. I’ll help you pack.
BELLANAE looks down at the infant in her arms.
[BELLANAE] She needs a name.
[ELUZEAN] So she does. Lillian?
[BELLANAE] No. Asphodel?
[ELUZEAN] You’re kidding me. Solaria.
[ELUZEAN] I… can work with that. Come along now, the sooner you’re packed the faster you’ll settle.
[NARRATOR] And so it was settled, and the three began their new life together in a cottage in the woods. An idyllic home…
[BELLANAE, YELLED FROM OFF-STAGE] ELUZEAN!
[NARRATOR] ...If not a particularly quiet one.
[BELLANAE] Your boots. Are on. The stairs.
[ELUZEAN] Yes, I believe that’s where the child threw them.
[BELLANAE] And you didn’t pick them up? I nearly tripped!
[ELUZEAN] I’ve been a bit preoccupied keeping her out of the various relics you left out when you wandered to bed last night
[BELLANAE] She’ll need to familiarize herself with them eventually.
[ELUZEAN] By putting them in her mouth?
[BELLANAE] ...Likely not.
[ELUZEAN] Keep them off the floor.
[BELLANAE] Now hang on, we’ve gotten off the topic of YOUR BOOTS and the STAIRS
[NARRATOR] This is not the first time they have this argument, nor the last.
[ELUZEAN] Have you considered watching where you’re walking?
[BELLANAE] WHY is this something I’m supposed to EXPECT?
[ELUZEAN] Because there’s a BABY in the HOUSE perhaps?
[NARRATOR] Well. This is tedious.
[BELLANAE] And she had your boots to begin with because…
[NARRATOR] I think we’re done here.
[BELLANAE] AND ANOTHER THING
[NARRATOR] Moving onward. As Astra grew and her mothers got used to each other, such interactions got less frequent and less lengthy, to everyone’s relief I’m certain.
[NARRATOR] And as her seventh birthday approached, discussion of her magical education began in earnest
[ELUZEAN] She has a kind heart, she’ll take well to healing.
[BELLANAE] Your influence, I suppose. Not a complete loss, empathy can be a valuable tool in otherworldly negotiations if one’s careful.
[ELUZEAN] Good to know. What do you think, dear?
[ASTRA] Can you teach me how to grow raspberries?
[ELUZEAN] She’ll appreciate the darker arts more when she’s a teenager, don’t worry. Of course we’ll grow raspberries, little one.
[BELLANAE] I suppose thirteen is when the more intense lessons traditionally start anyway.
[ELUZEAN] See? That’s the spirit. And you’ll be a magnificent teacher, I’m sure.
[BELLANAE] W-well of course! As if there’s any doubt.
[ASTRA] Mother, will you show me pictures in your bowl again?
[BELLANAE] I thought you were helping your mum in the garden today.
[BELLANAE] Maybe I can borrow you for a spell this afternoon.
ASTRA looks hopefully at Eluzean
[ELUZEAN] Was that a pun?
BELLANAE smirks at Eluzean
[BELLANAE] Was it?
ELUZEAN hesitates in what she’s doing and presses a hand against her chest.
BELLANAE looks suddenly concerned.
[BELLANAE] Are you okay?
[NARRATOR] Like an arrow through the heart.
BELLANAE reaches out to Eluzean, then pauses.
[ELUZEAN] Yes, yes, I’m fine. Actually, why don’t you take Astra for the day? I’m sure I can subjugate some weeds on my own.
[BELLANAE] Very well.
[ASTRA] Mother, what’s Sub-a-gate?
[BELLANAE] She’s going to bend them to her will.
[ASTRA] Oh. Okay!
[BELLANAE] Now, why don’t you go play for a bit? I’ll come get you when I’m ready
[NARRATOR] And off both went to seek some solitude and reflect on their feelings, something they’re both extremely out of practice with. Life and love do have a way of forcing our hands on such matters, don’t they?
[ELUZEAN] This can’t be happening.
[BELLANAE] This is impossible. How did I not realize, when did I stop looking for a way out?
[ELUZEAN] I didn’t plan for this! She never wanted this to begin with, how could I be so selfish?
[BELLANAE] Stupid of me not to account for the effects of proximity. I should have planned for this, taken some kind of precaution.
[ELUZEAN] This isn’t the agreement we made
[BELLANAE] She never agreed to this. And why should she?
[ELUZEAN] What do I do now? What should I say, what CAN I say?
[BELLANAE] Is there a way to approach this that doesn’t end in tears?
[ELUZEAN] There’s too much risk. We do still need to live together, there’s no need to make things awkward.
[BELLANAE] I’ll just… hold my tongue. Act as if everything’s normal.
[ELUZEAN] For Astra’s sake.
[BELLANAE] It’ll be…
[NARRATOR] And now for the audience participation part. Raise your hands if you can see where this is going.
[NARRATOR] Good. They can’t.
[ASTRA] Mummy, why are you staring at Mother?
[ELUZEAN] Sorry, luv. I was distracted.
BELLANAE raises an eyebrow at Eluzean
[BELLANAE] By what, exactly?
[ELUZEAN] Nothing, nothing
BELLANAE’s dress hem begins to smoke.
[BELLANAE] Hmm. Very well. Then you must be ready for Astra’s lesson.
[ELUZEAN] Of course.
Last edited by Caniell Lyca on 2019-06-15 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
BELLANAE’s hem bursts into flame
[BELLANAE] Yes Astra?
ASTRA points at the fire
[ASTRA] Your dress!
BELLANAE swears as she stomps out the flames
BELLANAE rolls her eyes
ELUZEAN lays a hand on Bellanae’s arm
[ELUZEAN] Are you alrigh-
BELLANAE jerks away from Eluzean
[BELLANAE] I’m… fine. I should go change.
ASTRA watches Bellanae leave
[ASTRA] ...Mummy? Are you and Mother fighting?
[ELUZEAN] No, luv. I think she’s just mad about her dress.
[ASTRA] Then why are YOU acting weird around her?
[ELUZEAN] Don’t you have a lesson to get ready for?
[ASTRA] Yes Mummy.
[NARRATOR] If you have ever known a child, you’ll know they’re rarely satisfied by such non-answers. So astra gathered her friends and went to the garden to plot.
[ASTRA] Alright team! Something’s up with Mummy and Mother.
ASTRA listens intently to a rabbit.
[ASTRA] Yeah, exactly! They keep looking at each other funny and Mother’s talking mean to Mummy and I think Mummy’s bumping into Mother on purpose.
ASTRA nods at a squirrel.
[ASTRA] We DO gotta do somethin’! Mummy says talking to people’s the best way to solve most things.
ASTRA shakes her head at a doll.
[ASTRA] They’re grown-ups, they NEVER listen to kids. We’ve gotta find a way to get them to talk to each other. So, who’s got a plan?
ASTRA looks around at her little council for a moment before pointing to a mouse.
[ASTRA] That’s PERFECT! I’ve gotta go.
[NARRATOR] Let’s… see how this goes.
[ASTRA] Mummy, Mother, come quick!
[ELUZEAN] Yes dear?
[BELLANAE] What is it, child?
[ASTRA] Come look, it’s under this jar!
ELUZEAN approaches Astra curiously
BELLANAE follow, brow furrowed in suspicion.
ASTRA waits for it, waaaaaits for it, and bolts between the witches, slamming the door behind her.
[ELUZEAN] What on..?
ASTRA very audibly shoves something large against the door.
[BELLANAE] Did she just? ASTRA DID YOU JUST-
[ASTRA] Don’t worry! I’ll let you out once you’ve talked!
[BELLANAE] YOUNG LADY WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU
ASTRA giggles and runs off
[BELLANAE] ...Try the window
ELUZEAN peers out the window
[ELUZEAN] Blocked with vines.
[BELLANAE] And you can’t MOVE them?
[ELUZEAN] They’re not PROPERLY ALIVE, so NO. Which begs the question of why the CHILD knows NECROMANCY.
[BELLANAE] Oh so now this is my fault
[ELUZEAN] Other than the state of my morning glories, likely not. She still could’ve waited to learn that one, though.
[BELLANAE] She was distressed by a mouse. Look, we’re getting off topic. How do we mean to get out of here?
[ELUZEAN] Well, unless you’ve suddenly taken up portalmancy…
[ELUZEAN] Then I think we’re stuck for the time being.
[BELLANAE] I’m going to kill her
[ELUZEAN] No you’re not
[BELLANAE] I could. What does she even hope to accomplish here?
[ELUZEAN] Apparently she thinks we need to talk. She asked me the other day if we were fighting
[BELLANAE] So this is YOUR fault.
[ELUZEAN] I told her we weren’t!
[BELLANAE] I’m sure you tried. Have you given a straight answer in your life?
[ELUZEAN] Not the point.
[BELLANAE] Isn’t it?
[ELUZEAN] Besides, if she’s listening this is HARDLY going to convince her she’s wrong.
[BELLANAE] How did she get it into her head that we were fighting, anyway?
[ELUZEAN] Apparently the day you were too busy glaring at me to notice you’d caught fire tipped her off.
[BELLANAE] I was actively engaged in conversation. YOU were staring.
[ELUZEAN] I was thinking. I just happened to be looking in your general direction while I did.
[BELLANAE] I’m sure.
[ELUZEAN] It’s hardly my fault you were between me and the window.
[ELUZEAN] Besides, it’s not as if you don’t give me odd looks, and you never see me complaining. And WHY do you keep coming closer?
[BELLANAE] Something occurred to me.
[ELUZEAN] What could possibly occur to you at a time like-
BELLANAE kisses Eluzean square on the mouth.
[BELLANAE] You ramble when you’re nervous.
[BELLANAE] Have wanted to do that for a long time.
[BELLANAE] Kiss you, clearly. Was that alright?
ELUZEAN takes a deep breath and composes herself
[ELUZEAN] Well. I suppose you’ll just have to stay, won’t you?
[BELLANAE] I suppose I will.
[ELUZEAN] You know, that answer wasn’t particularly straight, either.
[BELLANAE] Oh, hush up and tell Astra she can let us out now, won’t you?
[NARRATOR] And so, as these things go, arrangements were made. At length, a preacher of an appropriate faith was found, and a great celebration was had for a different kind of contract.
[PREACHER] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Eluzean and Bellanae
[NARRATOR] The food was beyond compare, the garden vibrant, and the music and dancing went until dawn. None present had ever seen such a radiant couple.
[PREACHER] Do you, Eluzean, take this woman as your wife?
[ELUZEAN] I do
[PREACHER] And do you, Bellanae, take this woman as your wife?
[BELLANAE] I do.
[NARRATOR] And of course…
[PREACHER] Then it is my great pleasure to bind your hearts and souls as one for the rest of your days and pronounce you wed. You may kiss the bride.
The witches kiss.
[NARRATOR] They all lived happily ever after.